Diary

I find it easier to keep to my plans when I write them down and keep a diary. I am accountable and can look back and see what I have achieved. Sometimes I look back and cringe.
I’ve been keeping a diary since I was eight, and was sad to see recently when I rediscovered it that I complained of being fat in those early pages. How things don’t change!
I’d always eaten lots of sugar growing up, treats from mum, treats from gran, cakes from dad, we celebrated everything with a sugary delight.
Consuming sugar dominated me during a difficult time when I was 17.
I had started my first year at sixth form with confidence and optimism. My gcse grades were good and I was confident that I would breeze through A Levels with the same ease.
The sparkle in my eye was noticed by some malicious girls who made it their mission to extinguish the flame. I’m not just blaming them for bullying me, they were very sorry years later, and the experience taught me to stand up for myself and made me stronger ultimately. But at the time, it was very painful and isolating.
Icing sugar mixed with water or Angel Delight gave me solace. I could eat and feel the sweet love and then sleep later. I experienced highs and lows in my moods and energy levels and found it hard to wake up in the mornings. I slept for much of the day and missed alot of classes. I didn’t do very well at A Level.

Shazzie

Shazzie wrote a blog for seven years and I found it the year she finished. I read all the posts on my blackberry over a few days in bed, feeling low and looking for an answer.
My problem is my sweet tooth and an appetite not driven by hunger but a need to suppress feelings and keep a barrier between myself and life.
Eating until the sugar puts me to sleep stops me from looking for a better job, spending time with my friends, being nice to my family.
Shazzie found that when she ate raw food she was forced to face her problems, embrace new challenges, leave behind relationships that weren’t working. Life became an adventure.
Happy birthday Shazzie!