Feeling far away

Do you ever feel disconnected from everyone around you and events seem to pass you by?

I've felt like this most of my life, emotions others experience normally everyday don't make much sense to me. Laughing at a joke is almost something I have to force but tears come easily enough.

A form of autism perhaps? Or feeling down in general?

Maybe it is down to all the sugar I am compelled to eat every single day. Especially in teas and coffees.

When I worked in an office next to a vending machine I was always feeding my coins in and giving it a thump when my chocolate bar got stuck in the mechanisms.

Thankfully where I work now there is no such temptation, just the trips to the kitchen for a coffee or tea to anaesthetise myself against the relative tedium of my job.

I like my job really, I am busy, I like organising meetings and events and pulling together all the elements to make them flow without a hitch.

But in the larger scheme of things, I'm not making a difference at a practical level, I'm not helping some to improve their life, so maybe this is what I need to feel fulfilled.

The first step in emerging from my fog is to cut down on sugar.