Meat

I’m not able to eat meat anymore, I see human flesh when I see slices of ham or turkey. A steak is a human body part. I’m not a cannibal. When I eat pasta or bread or cereal, I am taken over by a panic to eat as quickly as possible. I force it down, hardly chewing and eat and eat until my stomach swells up and my highly piled plate is clean.
My ideal diet is the raw food diet. A raw food vegan. It may seem extreme and takes some practice to get there but the results for me have been amazing.
I still eat cheese with my salad so I’m not quite at the vegan stage but I can’t stomach milk after reading Skinny Bitch and The Juicemaster’s Slim for Life.
Soya milk helped me get off the dairy stuff but now I don’t have the need for milk of any type.
I’ve never been enormous but at my heaviest I was 10 stone which is too much for someone of my height and build. Looking back at photos of that time my face looks squashed between my fat cheeks.

Shazzie

Shazzie wrote a blog for seven years and I found it the year she finished. I read all the posts on my blackberry over a few days in bed, feeling low and looking for an answer.
My problem is my sweet tooth and an appetite not driven by hunger but a need to suppress feelings and keep a barrier between myself and life.
Eating until the sugar puts me to sleep stops me from looking for a better job, spending time with my friends, being nice to my family.
Shazzie found that when she ate raw food she was forced to face her problems, embrace new challenges, leave behind relationships that weren’t working. Life became an adventure.
Happy birthday Shazzie!

Upheavals

Last year was the happiest in my life so far. I fell in love and this brought more and more changes and upheavals with every passing month.
I got married to the love of my life in September '08 but now we are separated by countries and oceans. Perhaps we’ll be together in August this year.
For five years my heart had been broken and I had shut down. No meaningful relationships in that time, immense guilt and fear in my heart, low self esteem. I needed time to heal and when I was ready I met him.
There had been lots of self-development in that time: EFT, Hypnotherapy, Counselling, Colonics, reading lots of books. A very insular time, working, travelling, going through the motions.
I woke up when I discovered eating raw foods. There were times when I couldn’t drag myself out of bed and would stay there all day feeling guilty because I had called in sick but happy because I didn’t have to face the commute of three trains into London. Trawling the internet from my bed I discovered Shazzie.