Meat

I’m not able to eat meat anymore, I see human flesh when I see slices of ham or turkey. A steak is a human body part. I’m not a cannibal. When I eat pasta or bread or cereal, I am taken over by a panic to eat as quickly as possible. I force it down, hardly chewing and eat and eat until my stomach swells up and my highly piled plate is clean.
My ideal diet is the raw food diet. A raw food vegan. It may seem extreme and takes some practice to get there but the results for me have been amazing.
I still eat cheese with my salad so I’m not quite at the vegan stage but I can’t stomach milk after reading Skinny Bitch and The Juicemaster’s Slim for Life.
Soya milk helped me get off the dairy stuff but now I don’t have the need for milk of any type.
I’ve never been enormous but at my heaviest I was 10 stone which is too much for someone of my height and build. Looking back at photos of that time my face looks squashed between my fat cheeks.

Diary

I find it easier to keep to my plans when I write them down and keep a diary. I am accountable and can look back and see what I have achieved. Sometimes I look back and cringe.
I’ve been keeping a diary since I was eight, and was sad to see recently when I rediscovered it that I complained of being fat in those early pages. How things don’t change!
I’d always eaten lots of sugar growing up, treats from mum, treats from gran, cakes from dad, we celebrated everything with a sugary delight.
Consuming sugar dominated me during a difficult time when I was 17.
I had started my first year at sixth form with confidence and optimism. My gcse grades were good and I was confident that I would breeze through A Levels with the same ease.
The sparkle in my eye was noticed by some malicious girls who made it their mission to extinguish the flame. I’m not just blaming them for bullying me, they were very sorry years later, and the experience taught me to stand up for myself and made me stronger ultimately. But at the time, it was very painful and isolating.
Icing sugar mixed with water or Angel Delight gave me solace. I could eat and feel the sweet love and then sleep later. I experienced highs and lows in my moods and energy levels and found it hard to wake up in the mornings. I slept for much of the day and missed alot of classes. I didn’t do very well at A Level.